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RedShoulder

Marc McKenzie
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Whew! It's been a while since I last posted an entry here. A lot has happened to me and of course the world itself. I've gotten my vaccine and got my booster shot the day before Thanksgiving. Healthwise, nothing major (although I'm still worrying about things too damned much). I've started a part-time job that has been going well and has put some needed funds in my pocket (although don't look for me buying anything extravagant!) and that means I'm able to spend on Christmas shopping. And I've also gotten my healthcare plans for next year worked out (hopefully!).


But next year, I want to make even further changes to my life. And that means I am looking to sell my artwork (or collections of my artwork) or at least look to earn something from my art. This isn't greed--far from it--but having been doing this for so many years it would seem ridiculous to not try to earn something from it. Plus having a second source of income these days is a good thing. Being that I haven't gone to conventions in some time (and of course, who could do that in 2020 and early 2021?) I'm wondering if the next best place to go is to Gumroad.


If you haven't heard of Gumroad before, it's a site where you can sell your work--writing, art, tutorials--and I've been thinking about it for some time now. I just haven't taken the first step. So to those who've followed my work, here's the question--should I go for it? Or don't bother and look to another platform like Patreon? And what are the advantages/disadvantages of both? Also, should I open a Twitter account as well? A fellow artist friend of mine did just that and ended up gaining new followers AND new clients.


So any thoughts on this? Let me know. And thanks!


And also, best wishes for a safe holiday season, and hope that 2022 is a great year for everyone.

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Manga creator Kentaro Miura passed away on May 6, but the news was released on May 19. Finding out about this was a punch in the gut, since he was only 54 (the cause of death was an aortic dissection). Miura created several works during his life, but his best known work--which now will remain unfinished--was the fantasy manga BERSERK, which he began in 1989 and was still working on.


BERSERK remains one of the best manga ever created; its dark fantasy story about Guts, a former mercenary who travels across the country during the medieval age facing off against monsters and other humans won praise for its intricate artwork as well as its story, which at times could get quite brutal. If you think GAME OF THRONES is dark, then you haven't read BERSERK. Taking influences from classic science fiction as well as Kuaru Kurimoto's GUIN SAGA as well as the classic manga FIST OF THE NORTH STAR, BERSERK's influence would be seen in manga such as DEMON SLAYER and VAGABOND and video games like BLOODBORNE and DARK SOULS. BERSERK would also spawn a couple of video games too, including a game on the Sega Dreamcast that reached US shores several years before the manga did.


(Personal note: My late friend Dan Nakrosis did the lettering for the first few volumes of the English-language version of BERSERK that was, and continues to be, released by Dark Horse Comics.)


BERSERK also spawned at least three anime releases--the 1997 television anime and another series from 2016-2017. Three films based on the "Golden Age" arc of the manga were released from 2012 through 2013.


Miura's other works include KING OF WOLVES, JAPAN, GIGANTO MAXIA, and DURANKI.


More on Kentaro Miura:


https://www.animenewsnetwork.com/news/2021-05-19/berserk-manga-creator-kentarou-miura-passes-away-at-54/.172988


https://www.cnet.com/news/kentaro-miura-the-creator-of-berserk-has-died-aged-54/


https://comicbook.com/anime/news/berserk-kentaro-miura-cause-of-death/


Creators offer condolences and remembrances:


https://www.animenewsnetwork.com/interest/2021-05-20/creators-offer-condolences-for-berserk-creator-kentarou-miura-passing/.172994

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I'm not going to lie--I am ready to put 2020 behind me. This year was...well, to put it nicely, awful. A pandemic that has taken close to 350,000 lives in the US (and counting), lockdowns, having to isolate from friends and family, rampant corruption in the White House via the most corrupt President in modern history, and his political party openly calling for taking voting rights from people and overturning an election because they did not like the results, smug @$$holes on social media spreading lies and gleefully hoping for everything to fall apart....


I knew family and friends who were affected by COVID, and let's be blunt--everyone knows someone who has been affected by this pandemic. I lost a good friend this year--not to COVID, but to a tragic one-in-a-million complication from surgery. I missed seeing family and friends. I missed going to the movies and places that I used to go to.


I missed seeing someone who I realized--only after things were closed--I had developed feelings for. Thankfully we could still stay in touch through other means, but I hated myself for waiting until an event like this to realize a truth I refused to see.


If there's a lesson I'm taking into 2021, it's this--life is too short, and if you're going to do something, do it. Start it, work on it, push on until it's done. I am grateful for the small bright points during this year, like my niece moving to a new state and setting up life on her own and celebrating her 21st birthday, and also my nieces and nephews turning a year older and somehow managing life with virtual classes and no in-person classes. I'm glad that we will have a new President and a Vice-President who will make history in three ways, and that we will get a government that will work _for_ us and not against us. And I'm glad for all the kind words and favs and watches and hope to put out more work in the upcoming year.




Think of this poem as we go into 2021:


No one will mourn this year's passing.


The dead bathe the landscape,

necrotic drops of rain against which

there is no protection. No umbrella

will halt their fall, nor can you

shelter under a tree.


Fierce, deadly cries fill our ears,

bringing to us rumors of... something.

Fear, threats, the beating down

sleet of hatred, old as time.


This is a year no one will forget,

and this is a year no one will want

to remember. Mere humans aren't made

to absorb so much pain,

roots sucking in water from

a poisoned well, leading

to strange fruit.


I shall shake the dust from my feet.

I shall set my eyes ahead.

I shall lock away this year

and open the box only when

I need to be reminded of lessons.


This final day of an unloved year.

I'll make a cup of kindness

for the new year dressed

in swaddling clothes,

expectant and hopeful anew.


Come 2021, I'm going to hold onto hope, and work towards learning to respect and love myself and others. It's not going to be easy, but nothing ever is.

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Syd Mead went from designing cars and industrial products to designing worlds.  And while he was already well known for the former, it will be the latter than many will remember him for.

Mead, who passed away on December 30, had lent his distinctive look to films such as ALIENS, TRON, SHORT CIRCUIT, and others.  Starting with STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE (1979), Mead would go on to re-define the look of SF films with BLADE RUNNER (1982), the classic film that has inspired numerous artists and authors over the years.  He even came back for the sequel, BLADE RUNNER 2049 (2017), with his designs for a future Las Vegas.

For the film BLADE RUNNER, Mead conceived of the title "Visual Futurist" for his role on the film...and that title was certainly appropriate.  His influence can be seen in modern films and video games, such as the MASS EFFECT series (and Mead also did work for video games as well, such as WING COMMANDER: PROPHECY and BOUNTY DOGS).

Mead's work in the auto industry and in industrial design had given him ability to figure out how things work and that was clearly evident in his paintings.  His use of color, light and shadow, and perspective was unique, and made even his paintings of contemporary vehicles look like something out of science fiction!  His popularity in Japan led to his work on two anime series--YAMATO 2520 and TURN A GUNDAM, where he was commissioned by veteran director Yoshiyuki Tomino to redesign the iconic Gundam mobile suit.  And while Mead's designs were controversial at first, over the years they stand out as being among the best designs in the Gundam franchise.  In another ironic twist, Mead also did designs and paintings for a live-action Gundam film that was conceived in the 1980s but was never made (there is a live-action GUNDAM film in development via Legendary Pictures, the studio behind PACIFIC RIM).

Mead, like Ralph McQuarrie (STAR WARS), Ron Cobb (ALIEN), H.R. Giger (ALIEN) and Andrew Probert (BACK TO THE FUTURE) re-defined the look of modern science fiction, and he will be sorely missed.  That said, his work remains for future generations to discover.

More on Syd Mead:

www.rollingstone.com/movies/mo…

deadline.com/2019/12/syd-mead-…

www.ign.com/articles/2019/12/3…

boingboing.net/2019/12/30/syd-…

io9.gizmodo.com/rip-syd-mead-l…


io9.gizmodo.com/rip-syd-mead-l…
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I haven't put up a journal entry in quite a while--more like since last year--so it's time for a update.

I left 2018 in a state that could only be called, well, being content.  I was just glad to be alive, to have some money in the bank (courtesy of a seasonal job), and to see my niece turn one year older and also realize just how much she's grown, and that my family and friends for the most part were still here.

Yet the biggest change I saw was in myself.  I'll explain that one.

For many years I pretty much hated myself.  Many didn't see it at all; only a couple of friends and close family members could tell that there was a lot of self-hatred that manifested itself in bouts of depression and harsh self-judgement.  The source of these things goes back much further and so I'm not going to get into it here--truth be told I already went over it during therapy sessions some years back.

So what changed during the last months of 2018?  Quite a bit.

For one thing, at the job I worked at, I found myself interacting with many members of the opposite sex--okay, women.  One thing that I always took myself apart for was that I was pretty much a flop with them (and obviously me not being in a relationship for years is a blinking red light).  I wasn't good enough, wasn't attractive enough, and came across as being too...well, odd.  It also didn't help that I had bad timing and just always kept missing the boat because I just felt that I wasn't worthy enough (but not to worry, there's no danger of me becoming an incel).  And due to me being someone who does art, I tend to be solitary, at home in front of my computer or my art desk.

But at the job, something happened.  And it was thanks to someone who apparently took an interest in me.  I can't remember when it started, but before I knew it (because you never see these things coming) a friendship blossomed.  That and the fact that the signs were present that--shock and horror!--she did like me (to what extent I'm not sure, but better to not assume).  Not just with her, but with others, although with her...one wonders if it was something more.  I can honestly say that while I pushed aside any thoughts of romance--I had to, since she was in a relationship--the things she and another co-worker told me about what they thought of me started to shatter that fortress I had built up around myself for years.  The fact that she always put me at ease whenever I thought I had done something wrong helped a lot (and to be fair, she was pretty up-front with her feelings if she felt that someone ticked her off--and that never happened to me).

If anything, something else was renewed--confidence, for that matter, and me actually showing off my cooking skills to my co-workers (yes, I do cook!).  What was happening was that I was being myself, and somehow that made me stand out--at least, that's how another friend explained it.

As a result, I entered 2019 with the desire to get more comfortable in my own skin.  That means accepting who I am, flaws and all.  I'm a work in progress, as we all are.  But I also had to change a lot of beliefs I had foolishly accepted about people in general.  This is not going to be an easy thing to do--it's work, it's something that I have to do every day, and I realize I may fall off the wagon at times.  I also have to remember to expect nothing--better to do that than to expect something only to face defeat and sadness.  I'm a lot more patient about things not going the way I had hoped--if something didn't work out, well, okay, life's full of those moments but it's nothing to lose your head over.  I also have come to realize that despite all the good points people say that I have, I'm not going to make everyone's list--but that's fine, and I accept that.  What they say about how changing your thoughts changes your world is true--and it also helps to be introspective and consider the consequences of your actions, but be careful, since you can get stuck there sometimes.  But I do know that the 2019 version of me is not going to be the 2018 version (or any previous year, for that matter).

As for my friend from work...well, we still keep in touch through messaging although we have not seen each other over the past couple of months.  I still think about her and yes, I do miss seeing her (and she's told me the same thing).  I do hope that when we do get to hang out we can have a good and honest talk about how things are between us and...what exactly are we to each other?

I'm not expecting anything, but I am curious to find out the answers, whatever they may be.  Whatever happens, though, I'm just grateful that she came into my life; years ago one person pretty much wrecked my self-esteem and spirit, and now years later one person--actually, a handful of people--have helped to rebuild both.  I have no idea what the rest of this year will bring, but I'm feeling that I can face it head-on.

Here's to being comfortable in my own skin.
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